"Tay inna Win"

Emma and Ethan are full-blown talking machines now. Ethan is very inquisitive about everything he sees. Emma is very observant and likes to repeat phrases and lines from her favorite tv shows and from her favorite moments of play. Her rendition of the Dinosaur Train line, "Welcome to the Cretaceous time period!" is one of the cutest things her daddy has ever seen. She really emphasizes with her voice and facial expressions: "TIII--peer-rud!"

 

When Ethan says it, it just doesn't have quite the same effect. Ethan speaks very clearly and loves conversation. He requires acknowledgment for his every statement. If he doesn't get verbal recognition, he pushes for it: "Talk to me; talk to me; talk to me." If he gets a response he doesn't like, like a non-word utterance of recognition--"Mmmhmm," "Eehhh," "Hmm-mm" He objects: "No! Don't say, 'Hmm-mm.'"

When Emma gets a "Hmm-mm" or a "not right now," she immediately whines, screeches, and begins slapping the wall or storms to her room just so she can SLAM the door! If the nearest door is out of reach, she slams whatever cabinet door or drawer that's nearest. Slamming doors and drawers seems to give her deep satisfaction. The violence against the door, the slam in the face, the power, the control, the symbolic expression of her grievances.  "And stay out!" she says.

She is not as conversational or verbally expressive as her brother. Sentences take more effort, so she takes short cuts, and pronunciation is often muffled. We took her to an audiologist just to make sure the issue wasn't auditory. We sat in the small darkened room as the audiologist showed her pictures and asked her to point to each object that he named. He looked into her ears and warned her about a tiny sound she would hear in the earphone instrument he was placing on her ear. She sat quietly, curiously. He told me not to respond to the sounds I was about to hear and not to cue her in any way. Then, he left us in the room and sat behind a glass window where we could see him wearing a headset. Suddenly to the left--a sound. She turned to see a monkey banging its cymbals inside a clear box mounted on the wall. To the right--a clown blows a horn. The audiologist began speaking into different speakers that surrounded us, and Emma looked all around. She passed all of the tests for her age-level.

So I'm not sure what it is that causes her trouble with verbal communication. But I'm not going to worry. She'll get it. And her language is pretty cute. She still resorts to her baby babbling sometimes. Her pretend phone conversations are more about vocal inflection, mumbling with an occasional, "Oh my gosh," and "Okay, bye."

One day when we had some friends over, all of the kids were in the driveway riding trikes and Power Wheels. For some reason, Emma was so upset. She sat on her trike, pulling and fighting, whining, and crying. Something was obviously wrong, but I couldn't figure it out. I'd try to steer her in another direction, push her along. This made her even more frustrated. I didn't get it. I gave up. Later, when Ethan got on the trike, he said, "It isn't working. Something won't go!" and he was looking behind him for whatever was blocking the trike's movement. I never even realized there was a wheel brake that could be set on the trikes, just like a stroller. I'm so sorry, Emma. Mommy didn't know. 

She loves to be held and carried around, especially when Mommy is busy cooking dinner. She stands at the baby gate with her arms up, repeating, "Imma hode-ju. Imma hode-ju, pweese?" I usually can't resist this request because I know the time will come too soon that she will no longer want to hold me, no longer beg for my attention and affection. Many dinners have been burned while Mommy gets held by Emma or during another potty break...or yet another clean-up on aisle 2.

While I cook, I try to distract her with her all-time favorite show, "Sya-nah Sreet." She loves Big Bird. She watches episodes repeatedly and knows every word that is spoken and when. I have no doubt of Emma's intelligence. She has an amazing memory for songs, tv show lines and phrases that her parents say. I don't know why she doesn't talk more.... She sings the alphabet perfectly, counts to 15 without much thought. She even goes to "school" now once a week with her brother. They have a music class, and she just loves saying, "Ma tea-cher. Miss Beff, Miss Chorween.... Goo'moreen, cwass!" And you should see her operate her cd player! It is hilarious to me...her tiny little self popping open the disc lid like she was born doing it, switching out the cd, closing it, quickly pushing the appropriate buttons even though they are all very small and similar looking. She gets that baby blaring her favorite songs in no time flat. "Hakuna Matata!"

Talking Tom is the best app on a phone that Emma has ever seen! She is so happy to hear that little cartoon kitty repeating her favorite sayings and gibberish phrases. I noticed that she kept saying one particular gibberish phrase to Talking Tom...again and again. I tried so hard to figure out what it sounded like.... What is she saying?? Talking Tom had it down pat, and before too long, so did I. "It's a rah-tae mikka-wah! It's a rah-tae mikka-wah!" Your guess is as good as mine. I can't help but be reminded of the movie Nell (movie trailer: 1994) . She's like a little Nell with her own "wanguage."

Every once in a while when she is speaking her gibberish again, I repeat that one sentence of Emma's "Nellish" that I know: "It's a rah-tae mikka-wah!" She smiles her biggest smile. Wow, Mommy knows Nell-ish! I'm trying to teach her the only actual Nell-ish phrase that I remember from the movie: "Taaaaay ina wiiiiiin!" and I wave my hands like a tree in the wind, just like Nell. Oh, please, sweet Emma, just say it for Mommy. :)

Every time I have to go to work, I leave them with Mimi (or their Nannie), I say, "Be good for Mimi, ok?" So now she loves saying she'll be good for everyone.

"Uh-guffa Mimi--okay? Uh-guffa Nannie--okay? Uh-guffa Uncuh JAmes. Uh-guffa Ant Jare-wun. Uh-guffa Bren-ten. Uh-guffa Cway. Uh-guffa Uhh-Umy.['Aunt Amy' is a hard one] Uh-guffa Uncuh MIchael. Uh-guffa Kacie. Uh-guffa Karwie."

"Ha good day!"

Pick-it-up-now-pick-it-up-now!

Motherhood. Ahhhh....motherhood. Its blessings outweigh its headaches. Thank God. Because those headaches can be pretty mean. Don't get me wrong. I love those little tiny people. They're my sweet angels, my sugar babies. They make me laugh and love like I never knew possible. So please, keep that in mind when I say that they also push me to the brink of insanity regularly.

They're little terrorists. Point blank. They are trying to strategically drive me crazy using varying stages of torturous methods. Stage One: They destroy the house. Destroy. It's their mission from moment to moment and day to day. So don't try to pick up, Mom. "NO! Not my...[random fragment of a toy that I don't even recognize]!" Haha! I have been sneaking UFTs (Unidentified Fragmented Toys) into the trash for over a year now. Casually and cheerfully, I'm picking up the clutter and, right under their noses, I am picking off toys. One junkie piece at a time. McDonald's toy football men, tiny accessories for tiny plastic kingdoms and tiny spare hardware for tiny hero headquarters. Picked off. Gone forever. But it's just a drop out of the bucket...out of the ocean of toys and further UFTs.

Emma is forewoman of the destruction phase. It's as if she sees a state of disarray as her personal duty. When she walks into an orderly living room, she calmly but purposefully begins systematically breaking it down. First on her list of obvious problems is the couch arm covers, fling, the chair arm covers, fling! The couch cushions require hardly more effort--KNOCK those off in the floor where they belong. Oh, the books. What are they doing on the bookshelf? They go in the floor. Dusting off her hands, she scans the room for other eyesores. Seeing none, she makes her way to the snack bowl. She has a few Cheese-Its, and if one should fall in the floor, all the better for Em-Lynny-Lou. When they're all gone, she just dumps the crumbs right on the coffee table...for good measure. Time for a drink. Ahhhhh, refreshing. Fling! Ker plunk--sippy cup nose-dive into the carpet. Score! And it's standing upside down! Bonus!

She is practically begging me to have a nervous breakdown. I teeter on the edge now and then, but I have thought my strategy through a few times in my brief moments of clarity, and I think this kind of extreme recklessness calls for an extreme and perhaps radical approach. I try to catch her in the act and then I immediately sound off: PICKITUPNOW. PICKITUPNOW. PICKITUPNOW. It usually works. She is startled into action. My theory is that this alarm-like response will trigger a negative association with this destructiveness that she loves. When she is feeling extra stubborn, I stay fiercely committed to the auto-repeat strategy in my most serious and forceful tone. I combine this with a severe and dramatic pointing gesture. PICKITUPNOW, PICKITUPNOW, PICKITUPNOW! EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. And though she is a very determined little girl, she frequently gives up halfway through the task, testing my level of commitment. In order to get her to actually re-construct, I must repeat, repeat, repeat, never faltering even for a moment or she will sense my weakness and move right on from her consequence.

When this happens, it seems as if it may be too late.... It's over. We lost? Wreck it Ralph would be so proud. Auto-repeat couldn't penetrate the steel wall that is Emma's will.

Auto-repeat can actually be counter-productive because using it can weaken your senses, cause fatigue, and possibly even cause you to auto-pilot yourself right into delirium.... This is Stage 2. Your grip on reality begins to slip through your automated mind. I have caught myself repetitively and blindly participating in a three-line Q and A session with Ethan, answering the exact same question 100 times on auto-pilot, or saying, "You did?? That's awesome!" over and over to the same thing, or pretending to argue the same hard fact over and over, purely for his entertainment and unending joy. Ethan is foreman of Stage 2, mental fatigue.

I find myself caught in a mental loop, and I fall into the "Pete and Re-Pete" trap. You remember how it goes, right?

"Pete and Re-Pete were sittin' on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left? 
'Re-Pete.' 
Pete and Re-Pete were sittin' on a fence. Pete fell off...." etc.

That's exactly how I feel sometimes. I'm livin' in a Pete and Re-Pete world. Yes, my experience of motherhood sometimes causes...brief breaks from reality...moments when I think...this is not normal. I mean--I have obviously fallen way off the fence, Pete.

But, when I return from insanity and realize she still isn't pickingitupnow... I have even resorted to physically making her pickitupnow. I refuse to just throw my hands up when my child has just pulled all of the clothes out of the dresser and then said, "No," after I've clearly told her to put them back. I calmly walk over to her, explaining all the while that, yes, she will in fact pickitupnow. I stand directly behind her like a shadow and take actual physical control of her body. Her hand cupped in my hand, I bend her at the waist. Like a puppeteer, I direct her body to submit to my will, clasping her hand with my hand onto the object, and by gosh, we pickitupnow. One way or another, she WILL pickitupnow, pickitupnow--pickitUP, pickitUP, pickitUPnow. [Insert break from reality and The Red Hot Chili Peppers] Eventually, my hope is that this will become a learned sequence of events. You might even say "automatic." Destroy--AndPickitupnow. Good luck with that, huh? Thanks.

I'm sure some of you may think this form of "physical possession" is harsh. I personally think that different learning styles call for different approaches. She's just a hands-on learner. I can be hands-on.... She needs muscle memory. I can help her with that. I will go with her through the "pickitupnow" motions just as I directed her hands to reach out for her rattle when she was a newborn baby, when I steadied her first balance as she stood, held her hands and walked alongside when she learned to walk.... You see? Just as I directed her first crayola marks and guided her first tricycle ride, I feel called to guide her in the righting of her wrongs. PICKITUPNOW.

Her preference for disarray is admittedly something she came to very naturally. I have always been the queen of clutter. Things are here and there and everywhere, and I know each and every where.

However, although we both have a tendency toward chaos and clutter, we both will have to succumb to the hard, cold fact that in life when we pitch a fit, fling that thing, or dump that whole bowl of crumbs...the universe will insist that we PICKITUPNOW.

Hide-and--Go Where?

Our friend Necole is pretty much the coolest grown-up a little kid is ever gonna meet. I know a lot of really cool people so don't be offended, haha! My kids like all of my friends! But she's different with them from anyone I know. It's like she sees them with her heart instead of her eyes. Maybe she just has a young soul. I first met her as one of my students in Comp. 1. I don't normally form personal relationships with my students, but Necole was also a student worker and spent a lot of time on campus. She'd come in and chat. You know how they say some people have an old soul? I'd normally want to say that about her because although she is almost ten years younger, she's had more of life's experiences and challenges than I have. It's like she has an old soul and a young soul, a timeless soul.

She crouches down to Emma and Ethan's eye-level and shines brightly into their faces. They can't help but like her. Their walls come right down and they are best friends. I'm not really sure what it is. Some people just seem to be tuned-in to that child frequency more clearly.

Necole and I became friends on a more personal level after she offered to help me take the kids to the park. I'd mentioned that I really couldn't take 2 barely walking one-year-olds to the park by myself. I'd have to carry one, follow one. She kept insisting on helping me. Very enthusiastically. It wasn't like when most people offer, sort of politely and dutifully.... I am not offended and I reciprocate the social grace. But in the back of my mind, I know that I would never call this person out of the blue and ask her to babysit. And I also know that she probably won't...oh, just one day up and decide to call me for the first time ever just to see if I feel like going out with my husband tonight, so she can watch (and meet) our kids for the first time ever. Haha! We might not even really have each other's phone numbers! "Call me sometime. Okay! Let's have lunch or something...yeah.... Well, good seein' you!" :)  But not this time. I could tell she really meant it.  Necole said, "Do you want to go today later after work?? Colton and I just love babies." So I took her up on it. And she wasn't kidding. They love babies. And babies love them. Necole doesn't just look at them or watch them; she sees them. And she plays with them. She runs around at the park and slides down the slide right along with all the kids, laughs and has a good time. It's not a cheesy fake laugh or baby talk, no exaggerated movements or facial expressions; it's real engagement and enthusiasm with children. And she has this twinkle in her eyes the whole time, a big smile...a genuine friend to adults and kids.

We had been missing them so much. Finally, she and Colton came over for a visit the other evening. Our kids were so happy to see her...and Colton, Emma is especially happy to see him. She and Ethan both think he is such a cool, big kid. He even stands up for them just like a big brother at the playground if a bigger kid isn't being nice.  Emma acts like Colton is her hero, the way she looks up at him with such awe and admiration. She says his name over and over. She sometimes runs right up to him immediately when he comes over, not needing any time to get over awkward shyness, just walking right up to him with a big smile. She hugs him and says, "Hi, Colton!" It's so sweet.

On this night, not too long after they walked in the door, a game of Hide-and-Go-Seek had somehow broken out. Colton hid and Emma and Ethan went to look for him. It was so much fun, counting and covering our eyes. Emma wasn't exactly feeling the suspense of the hunt; the fun part for her was counting and hiding her eyes. It was enough just to "hide" behind her hands while she counted and then "seek" when she uncovered her eyes: instant gratification, none of this wandering around nonsense. "Waun, tuu, free, four, fiye, siix, se'ven, eeiiight, niine, ten, e-wev'-en...BOO! [hysterical laughter]"  Peek-a-boo style hide-and-seek is the greatest according to Emma.

Ethan loves the counting and face-covering part, too: "One, free, five, nine, free, four, free...ten! Ready or not, here I come! [scampering, squealing, giggling]" And when he found Colton, he was so proud. "WE FOUND HIM! WE FOUND COLTON, MOM!" he said...every single time.

When it was his turn to hide, he was intense and ready. Necole said, "Okay, Ethan, hide!" and he snapped into serious. He looked down for a split second, as if he was thinking, "Where is the perfect hiding place?" All of a sudden--he dropped to the floor, face down, hiding his eyes from the light. He stayed very still. Necole and I looked at each other and laughed silently. Necole said, just above a whisper, "Are you hiding, Ethan?"

"Yes," Ethan answered, more rasp than whisper. He lifted his face from the carpet to answer and then gave the area a quick scan for the seeker. Quick--hide! He squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face back into the carpet.

Colton came in and chuckled when he saw Ethan's hiding place but pretended for a few seconds before calling out, "Found Ethan!" and then a few beats later, "Found Mom and Emma behind the chair!"

I was just sitting there on the couch smiling, laughing, watching this game take place, taking pictures, and thinking to myself, when was the last time I had this much fun so spontaneously, so wholesomely...stepped out of the routine, out of the norm and played a make-believe or abstract game from childhood with my kids? When was the last time we turned off the tv and played...without any toys, just our imaginations and each other? 

That night was a classic night, a cherry coke and apple-pie kind of night.

Twindependence

The kids decided on the very night of their third birthday that they would sleep in separate toddler beds for the first time ever. I couldn't believe it. But it wasn't complete magic. Here's how it happened: They had been put to bed by my friend Lindsey the night before. We had been out shopping for their birthday, and I guess she didn't know which bed they normally sleep in because they were in the other one. The next night after I rocked them for a few of our songs, Ethan seemed excited about sleeping in the other bed again. It was new and different. "I wanna sleep in this bed!" he beamed. He happily skipped to the other bed, and Emma sleepily walked to the other as usual, and she didn't protest or even seem to notice at all. They'd had a long, fun-filled day with all of their friends and the big inflatable bouncy house with water slide. It's no wonder that she didn't seem to notice or was too tired to care. I went right along with it and tucked them both in. I walked out of their bedroom stunned. The night after that, they went back to their regular bed together. I felt a little happy inside when they did. That part of it can't be over yet, can it? My little twins snuggling together.... Then I felt a little twinge of guilt for feeling sad when I should be only happy about their milestone, their progress and step toward independence. So the next night, I decided to throw out a subtle prompt: "Okay, which bed do you want to sleep in?"

"This one!" Ethan said and he happily went to his very own bed. They're finally making use of both beds. One bed had previously been just a decoration or a place to throw stuffed animals and to play on during the day.

And then there were two little separate sleepers. Two big kid beds. Two big kids....

....................................................................................

Tonight, after we rocked for a few of our favorite lullabies, they got in their own beds and I tucked them in. Emma was singing, but I didn't let it stop me from getting a "Good night, Mommy" and an "I love you, too," out of her. Ethan was talking and talking about his new lincoln logs he got for his birthday. They were strewn about in the floor and oh-so-tempting for a busy little boy. "Tomorrow, you can...when you wake up. It's not time to play now. It's time for bed."
"It's not time to play?"
"No, time to go to sleep. Nite-nite, Ethan."
"Nite-nite."

Emma was still singing so sweetly, so I decided to act like I was leaving, but secretly stay behind in the complete darkness and they wouldn't see me. I wanted to hear more of Emma's singing:

"Where is pointer?
Where is pointer?
Here I am!
Here I am!
Howayou aday, sir?
Aireeyan a thank you.
Run away,
Run away."

Ethan decided to sing a spell afterwards and echoed Emma Lynn's sweet song. He's just learning to carry a tune and remember lyrics, something Emma is getting very good at by now.

Ethan sang:

"Very fine, I thank you.
Run and hide,
Run and hide."

Then he must've decided to make up his own song since his memory doesn't quite serve him yet:

"It's nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you.
Mommy said no.
Mommy said no."

Then he paused a few beats and shifted back into his comfort zone: the monologue:

"We don't want that grasshopper. We don't want that grasshopper. Mommy said....  Mommy, I see you sitting in the floor."           (grasshopper story)

"You do?" I said, laughing and getting up now. I went over to his bed and rested my hand on his back. "What was I doing?"

"You were sitting in the floor," he said, looking in the direction of where I had been actually laying in the floor in the doorway.

"Was I watchin' you?"

"Yes."

"Because I love you?"

"Yes," he said, a smile in his voice.

"Oh.... Give me one more kiss, please." He raised his head and shoulders and gave me a sweet sugar on the lips. "Nite-nite, Brother."

"Nite-nite."

"Give me one more kissy from Em-lynn, too...." Emma didn't move, but I knew she was awake. She had her jumbo sized bunny squeezed tightly in her arms with its head covering half of her face. I gave her kisses and she laid very still but with her eyes open. "Nite-nite, Em-Lynn."

"Nite-nite," she said softly.

"Tell brother goodnight," I pressed. I have been working harder at getting words and sentences out of her. She can do it and she is getting better and better, but she just doesn't seem to have much to say most times. She prefers to play the passive role. She plays it safe; less is more. And sneak attacks are much more effective that way.

"Goo'night,...Essan," she said.

"Now, you say 'Goodnight, Emma," I said.

"Goodnight, Emma," said Emma.

"No, not you Emma. Now it's Ethan's turn. Ethan, tell sister goodnight."

"Good night, Emma," said Brother.

Amy's Story: "Swimming with the Ashing Family"

This post was written by Amy Ashing.

Kacie and Karli were so excited for Emma and Ethan to come over and spend the night again. This time they get to swim! The first time they swam, they were in life jackets and wanted to be held the whole time. They loved it. My girls were teaching them how to blow bubbles. Ethan became pretty good at it. Emma wasn't showing much interest. Ethan liked to jump off the ladder, the high step. Emma liked the lower step. She just kinda scooted into the water. So cute. She was excited about that.

The next day, we put the floaty bathing suits on instead of life jackets. We were holding them and having fun. I decided to put arm floaties on them, so if we let go of them, their mouths wouldn't go under water. I thought maybe they would float on their own. At first, they wouldn't let go. They would latch on with their legs, like--don't you even think about it. Ethan finally realized it was okay as we assured him that we were right here; we wouldn't let him go under. The look on his face was priceless. He was floating by himself. He got so excited! He was repeating over and over, "I'M SWIMMING BY MYSELF!"  Yes, Ethan...GOOD JOB...BIG BOY! After he realized he didn't need us, we couldn't hold him if we wanted to. Now we needed to work on Emma. It didn't take her as long to let us release her. I'm sure because brother was doing it, by gosh she wants to do it too. She was very serious and insecure at first. Then here she is...floating ALL BY HERSELF! She smiled so big and was so excited also. Okay, twins! Let's kick our feet and move our arms. There is a tv show I remember LeeAnn repeating that says, "Reach and pull and kick, kick, kick!!" That's what we kept repeating and they would repeat too. Emma's expression as she repeated was hilarious! Using every muscle in her body, very serious and repeating, "RREACHH...AND PPULLL...AND KKIICKK, KKIICKK, KICK!! RRREACHH AND PPPULLLL AND KKKKKICK, KKKKICKK, KKKICK!" Priceless. Wish everyone could've heard her expression and voice! Ethan, of course, is saying it too, but not near as dramatic as Emma! They would say, "Look...I'm swimming all by myself." We would say, "We are so proud of you! Big boy, big girl!"

I'm so glad we got to experience their first time floating on their own. We love you, Ethan and Emma!

Uncle Michael,
Aunt Amy,
Kacie & Karli

Hopper At Large

I was looking forward to a peaceful night of "me time" one evening when my husband was out with a friend. I was going to listen to my iPod and bake a pie for his pot luck lunch the next day. After I put the kids to bed, I put the dog out. As I closed the door behind her, a huge grasshopper buzzed and sputtered through the closing door at the very last moment in a plane crash landing. He disappeared into the curtains. This thing had to be four inches long. I cannot stand bugs, especially grasshoppers and crickets. It's a very intense phobia. I have nightmares and I get the creeps just thinking about them. The really small ones don't bother me so much. It's the ones that are too big to smack and kill without a big crunch and guts everywhere...the ones that jump or fly and are big enough so that you can make out their faces. You can see their shiny eyes, their coarse body hair and antennae. Shudder. If a nasty one gets on me, a scream bursts from my lungs and my body thrashes until I'm free. I could cry.... I'm filled with so much adrenaline that I could probably even fly.

I felt myself panic as I tried to block his entry a moment too late. It was like that slow-motion moment right after you trip and you realize that you're not going to pull out of it. You're going down. I felt like that. Mayday. The enemy had invaded, and I was going down.

I have to get him out fast.... I'll have to trap him. I went to get a towel that I could throw over him. I was anxious. I was on my own, no one to help me. I knew I wouldn't be able to relax in the living room until he was out. At least I know he is in this room. Now, I've got to stay on him.... I can't let him migrate to another room and sneak up on me later. I thought seriously about waking up Emma and Ethan and having them get it. I've been trying not to pass on any of my neuroses to them. I try not to use fearful language or freak out over a bug when the kids are around. It's really tough in the moment. I usually just end up explaining after I have freaked out that Mommy just doesn't like bugs. Why? Because they're ugly. There goes my kind-to-nature lesson.

"Kills bugs DEAD," Ethan often repeats from the commercial. "That's not very nice for the bugs..." he adds.

I can't focus or relax at all knowing that there is a huge, meaty, muscly, bony, googly-eyed grasshopper in my living room. He shouldn't be too hard to find since he is so big. But I was petrified. Disgusted. He was one of the brown ones; he couldn't at least be one of the pretty bright green ones. I called my neighbor and friend, Katie. She was in bed. Get out of bed. This is serious, I thought. She wouldn't come over, but she offered some moral support. I begged a few other friends to come over and hunt it down, even offered to pay someone twenty bucks. No one seemed to grasp the urgency of the situation. My neighbor had suggested I get my dog, Daisy, after it. Not a bad idea. Daisy loves the kids' big, inflated, bouncy-balls. She chases them all over the house. They now belong to her. I thought maybe I could stir the grasshopper out of hiding with the ball, and then Daisy would see it and be all over it. So I threw the ball over and over at the curtains and Daisy was having a good ol' time, but the bug was still at large.

I had no choice but to wait until my husband came home. I went to the kitchen and tried to put it out of my mind enough to bake his pot luck pie.

When Rodney came home, he didn't seem as concerned as I was with finding and extracting this brown, creepy, crawly, erratically flying and jumping intruder. Rodney casually looked under the chairs, behind the curtains--no bug. He's moving on. He even expressed his doubt as to whether the bug was even in the house.

"Oh, it's in the house. I assure you."      

www.gofitstudio.com

I felt a little braver now that he was home and suddenly motivated to prove to him just how big and nasty this bad boy was. So I got down on my hands and knees and searched.
"Ohmygod, there he is! There his nasty self is, right under this chair. Ew!" Thank God.

Rodney came over and lifted the chair.... But it was just one of the kids' little action figures. Dang.

So Rodney gave up. And I gave up too.

The next morning, I told Ethan and Emma: "There is a big grasshopper in the house somewhere...in this room. A Big. Huge. Brown. Grasshopper. Is in this room somewhere. He's lost." Their faces told me that they did understand that this was not okay.

"A big, huge grasshopper?" Ethan repeated as his eyes scanned the room.

"If you see him, let me know right away so we can get him back outside," I said.

"Okay," said Ethan. He mentioned it now and then from time to time.

My neighbor called to check on me the next day. She asked if it had been found and if she needed to come over today. "He's dead," she said with certainty. "Daisy got him." She sort of...gets me.
I hoped she was right.

Days went by. There were moments that I'd forget all about him. And then I'd remember and stand up from the couch. What's that tickle on my neck?! I was jumpy. I know you're in here, you nasty, nasty thing.

It had been five days since the invasion. I had pretty much resigned to the fact that he was dead. We were eating breakfast in the living room when Ethan said very calmly, "There's a big, huge grasshopper in the living room." I looked at Rodney. I smiled. He remembers things so well. "There's a big. huge. grasshopper in the house," he said again matter-of-fact-ly. He just looked at us. I laughed at his Mommy impression. It's funny hearing your own ridiculous words on the lips of a three year old. He always likes to get confirmation, acknowledgement. He repeated it again. He always repeats things again and again until you repeat him and confirm without a doubt that he is correct, and he is being heard.

"Yes, there is," I confirmed. "Let's not talk about it while we're--"  I saw it from the corner of my eye, easing forward with his disgusting stick, jointed legs. It looked like he was about to take sputtering flight--leap in an unpredictable direction--

I threw myself from the side of my chair and stumbled into the floor. I screamed in horror. I got to my feet as I pushed myself further from "it."  The kids were screaming too, and they clambered all over me with looks of terror on their faces. This sent the grasshopper into frenzied flight. Poor Ethan's eyes were tightly shut, his wide-open crying mouth. Emma looked over her shoulder with absolute terror as she climbed up my arm. Mommy, mommy, mommy! Rodney was yelling at me: "Chill out! Calm down!"

Chaos.

I ran out of the room with the kids strapped onto my body. I laughed and laughed. I couldn't stop. I tried to calm the kids and undo the damage that I had just done to their psyches.

"Mommy is so silly! She shouldn't be afraid of a little hopper!"

Their looks of terror faded into looks of confusion.

Rodney got the hopper out and showed us through the window that it was in fact out of the house and all could return to normal.

Whew!


*When the kids were 2, they called grasshoppers "hoppers" because of the movie they love, A Bug's Life, where the bad guy is a grasshopper named Hopper.

Kacie's Story: "More Babysitting"

This post was written by Kacie Ashing:

     On Friday,
which was the day I was planning on babysitting my aunt LeeAnn and uncle Rodneys twins Emma and Ethan! I was going to babysit them at 6:30 that night! Mainly all that day we went with my Mimi because she watches my sister and I on Wednesdays and Fridays during the summer when school is out! Mimi, my sister, and I went bowling when Mimi picked us up from our house, and then after we finished bowling, we went to Mimis house and ate lunch. Then on Fridays we always go tubing or use the ski-trainer at the lake. Mimi and Pappy are off on Fridays, so thats when we go is on Fridays! LOL! But that's mainly what I did that day. Except when we got home to Mimis we finished my Dad's birthday present! My Dads birthday is coming up! So we made my Dad's present from my sister and I! Then it was almost 5:00! My Dad was coming to get my sister and I at 5:30! Because I had to go babysit and it takes about an hour to go to Okay where Mimi lives all the way back to Muskogee where I live!  So then my sister and I got ready to go by packing up my Dad's present and getting dressed from when we went to the lake! Then, my Dad got to Mimis and we left and went by my house to put up my Dads present Because we were too early to arrive at the twins house!

     Then later, I finally arrived at the Garlands house. Emma and Ethan were eating their dinner and Aunt LeeAnn was getting ready for her friend Nicole to pick her up! So I went into the kitchen and sat there and made funny faces to Emma and Ethan and they would just sit laugh and laugh! It was soo cute! Then I took a picture of them! Then I got Emma and Ethan out of their high chairs! Then a few minutes later Nicole walked in to pick up Aunt LeeAnn! Emma gave Nicole a hug and Ethan wouldnt so Nicole would act like she was gonna get Ethan so he would give her a hug but Ethan would run LOL! But Ethan never did give Nicole a hug and Nicole said she didn't think she had met me before and Aunt LeeAnn said she didn't know if we have met or not and Aunt LeeAnn said Nicole this is my niece Kacie and I said hi! and of course she said hi too! Then Aunt LeeAnn got her purse and her and Nicole went to wherever they were going! They didnt even know LOL!

     Then Emma and Ethan and I went into the living room to play! I got out my phone to take pictures! I turned on the screen where you could see yourself on the screen and I held the phone up to Emma and she would wave and say hi Kacie hi! LOL! She would always say hi again after their name! It was cute! So I got a picture of me and Emma but then I deleted it and got Emma and Ethan to sit on the chair together and I FINALLY got a pic of all 3 of us! LOL It took forever. But before I took the picture of all of us I couldn't get a picture of me and Ethan so thats when I gave up LOL! I was surprised that he let me take a picture of all of us! :) but he did LOL! Later, I turned on my recording deal on my phone LOL! and I said Ethan can you say Austin Mahone! Becasue that's who I like LOL! and Ethan said it perfectly as always!  Then I asked Emma if she would say Austin Mahone and she said Austin Ahome! LOL! It was the cutest thing LOL! Then I started not feeling too well. My stomach was hurting. So I called my mom and told her and she said she would bring me some medicine! and she did! She stayed for about 15 minutes to make sure I was ok and I was! Then she left.

     Then later I said c'mon guys lets go play in your room and they both said ok and we went and Ethan played drums and played with toys and Emma got the seat to Ethan's drums and stood up on it and turned the radio on and starting dancing! Super cute! Then I started videoing Emma dancing and she had on her mommys shirt! It was funny! Then I asked Ethan if he could dance and he started swaying from side to side LOL but i didnt want too many videos on my phone so I deleted it! Because videos take up too much room on my phone! Or I would have kept it! Then later I turned off the lights and said are you guys getting tired and Emma said I tired! so I rocked her but then I remembered I forgot to change her diaper and get her ready for bed so I got up and she wasn't asleep yet thankfully so I changed both Emma and Ethans diapers and I accidentally ripped Ethans diaper and I asked Ethan where his diapers were and he would just laugh then he finally said in the bathroom so I went to look in the bathroom and I found them! but right when I was on my way back into the living room Ethan ran around the corner of the hallway and I screamed, then Ethan cried and he said you screamed at me Kacie and I said I am so sorry Ethan I wasnt yelling at you. You just scared me then I felt bad but a few minutes later he quit crying! Then I didnt know what LeeAnn wanted me to put on them so I just put them in pajamas that I found that looked the comfiest! LOL

     Then Ethan picked his toothbrush up off the floor and said look Kacie I found my toothbrush and I said you sure did. I said can you go put that in the bathroom for me and he said yes! I said good boy! Then I couldnt find Emmas toothbrush so I texted Aunt LeeAnn and asked and she said Emma chewed hers up and I said ok! Aunt LeeAnn said I could just use Ethans on both of them so I did! Then we went into their room and I said guys its time to go to bed and I asked Ethan which bed they sleep in and he said they sleep by theirself and I said you sleep separately and he said yes and I said no you dont LOL then he started laughing and they both got into bed together and I covered them up and they went to sleep and I stayed in their with them and just chilled out in the chair in their room! Then Later my mom called and said Im coming over there and she said Aunt LeeAnn wasn't answering her phone then Aunt LeeAnn walked in the door and said sorry im late and I said its fine! LOL! Then mom got there and my sister was with her friend from softball Jocelynn and then we all started talking about what I would do if a stranger came and Aunt LeeAnn grabbed my face and covered my eyes and was screaming LOL it was funny

     she was showing me what to do if a stranger came LOL it was funny then she said oh Kacie I owe you money then she handed me $10 and said she will give me the other $10 soon I said ok! Then a few minutes later we all gave each other a hug and me and my mom my sister and her friend Jocelynn left.

        

BUMP!

Nothing much was going on for the twins that day. We were hangin' around the house, havin' a lazy day. Their dad was doing yard work and busy all day. The house was quiet. Emma slept on the couch.  Ethan and I, in their room, were right in the middle of our make-believe dinner when all of a sudden--

"...something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump!"

I jumped up from the table and ran to the door! It sounded like a cannon had fired--I wasn't sure. With caution, I peered out from the door. I looked all around for that thing that went bump. And the whole time my heart was going thump, thump, thump.

Ethan was tugging at my shirt. With concern, he said, "What was that? I heard a bump!"

Their dad then appeared with a devious grin. By his hops and fist pumps, I knew he was at it again. The Fourth of July was a few days away. Of course, Rodney lit a firecracker today. He buys them every year. A certain kind, I'm not sure what they're called. They aren't very big, in fact, pretty small. But the sound that they make and the things that they shake are most certainly big and tall. They have but one purpose: to deliver the most reverberating bump the neighbors have ever heard. Every time he lights one, he laughs like a kid. Every time, it tickles him just to know what he did. Over the years, I have come to love his signature jump-making bumps, his menacing but tantalizing bumps. Big Bumps, that's what we'll call them, Big Bumps.

The very first ever July at our house, his series of untimely bumps made the neighbors come wandering out.  With curious confusion, they looked all about.

On the night of Independence Day, they were all out to see the display. That's when they discovered the source of the mysterious bump that had been making everyone jump. My husband walked calmly into the street.  A few neighbors noticed him as he dropped a Big Bump down a tube there on the street. People were buzzing and carrying on, still ooo-ing from the previous display. He lit the fuse and then quickly stepped out of harm's way. I'm sure they were all expecting a colorful burst to flower nicely overhead, but instead came the powerful thump. There was a sudden bright flash that expanded and contracted like a portal to The Land of Make-Believe--

                KABOOM!


The neighbors fell silent.

Rodney laughed, raised his fist and yelled out like a barbarian, "YEEEAAAAHHH!"

 I hid my face.

                                           ............................................


I smiled as I came in and closed the door behind me. My heart resumed its natural pace. I said, "I heard the bump too, Ethan. It was a firecracker. Daddy lit a firecracker in the back yard. It's okay."

Emma slept right through it.

"A firecracker?"

"Yep, a dangerous firecracker made that loud bump."

"It was scary. Is it a dangerous bump?" he asked.  Ethan and Emma have been learning all about the most important categories for all kinds of things, all different shelves and boxes for things: what's dangerous/safe, dirty/clean, scary/not scary? Is it something we eat, or not? What's delicate or their toy? There are also Ethan's favorite categories, what talks, doesn't talk and gots eyes, doesn't got eyes.

I tried to explain in an honest, exciting, and most un-frightening way: "It was scary. And it can be dangerous. But it's fun for adults and it can be fun for kids, too. The Fourth of July is coming soon! There will be lots of bumps. It's a celebration! Like a...a big bump party! It'll be fun and scary and loud."

"Bumps are scary and...a celebration," he confirmed.

"You and Emma will have to stay by me. We'll all be careful and we'll all have fun! A Bump Party with Thing 2 and Thing 1!"

And so began, in such a manner, our on-going talk about all of the bumps that are sure to make us jump on the night of the 4th of July.

“'I know some new tricks,' said the Cat in the Hat. 'I will show them to you.
Your mother Will not mind at all if I do.'”

The next day Rodney decided to introduce the kids to smoke bombs. I thought it was a great idea to practice staying back when Daddy lights one and for them to see that it was fun and exciting. They loved smoke bombs! "Daddy's makin' a blue bump! Daddy's makin' a purple bump!" They both shouted as they jumped for all of the bright and colorful bumps.

As the big day of the Bump Party came nearer, more and more bumps could be heard. Here and there, now and then, there would be something somewhere that went bump. Ethan and Emma were both concerned, but Ethan especially needed answers about this curious bump.

"Is the bump in my room? Is the bump in the wall?"

"The bump is outside. And you're safe from it all."

"Are we scared?"

"No, we're not scared. We're safe." I explained in the best way that I could, that bumps are just loud, and jumps could be good!

"Is Emma safe?" he asked.

"Yes, Emma is safe."

"Is Mommy and Daddy safe?"

"Yes, baby, Mommy and Daddy are safe too."

                                            ...........................................

At church during Children's Time, he was sure to alert our preacher and congregation that he had in fact heard the bump, but that, thankfully, Emma was safe from the bump.

The day of the Bump Party finally came, and all day we celebrated, even when it rained. We went for a boat ride with Mimi and Pappy, Aunt Amy and Uncle Mike, cousins, Kacie and Karli, too. And when we came home, we played in the drive and made bump after bump after bump. All day, we had all kinds of 4th of July fun. The kids rode on their trikes around in the drive, and played their first hopscotch game. They drew pictures with chalk after the rain, and their Daddy took a scooter ride.

"Look at me! Look at me now! It is fun to have fun, but you have to know how."

The kids even had their very own bumps, Pop-Its bumps. Sparks of excitement fired off in their eyes. They'd throw those little bumps as hard as they could. They made their own bumps, and it made them feel good.

"You will see something new. 
And I call them Thing 1 and Thing 2."

When their daddy made a really BIG BUMP, you wouldn't believe how it made those kids JUMP! This can't be good, the kids must've thought. Their daddy may like it, but Emma and Ethan do not.  Those big bumps are scary when they are lit.  The twins "do not like them, not one little bit."

They had such a long day in the boat and driveway, boating and bumping and jumping away. It was time for the twins to go to bed. But before they laid down their little twin heads, they said, "Daddy's outside makin' bumps."

Then, they fell asleep fast in their bed, and not once did they jump.

Not even one of those bumps made them jump.

"Then The Cat in the Hat said, 'That is that.'
And then he was gone, with the tip of his hat."

Two Church Mice: See How They Run

There's something about seeing my kids sitting in my church's pews, walking down its halls, playing in its nursery, and eating pot luck lunches in the fellowship hall. Every step, every bite is, for me, a ceremony. They play on the same playground in the church yard that I played on 25+ years ago, even on some of the very same equipment. I can almost see my childhood self laughing and running along right beside them.

I feel like I'm doing something right when I see them running, playing, just being on my stomping ground, this sacred ground. It's their rite of passage. I want them to have the experiences that I had...of going somewhere regularly where they see people who are not in their family but who care about them and have watched them grow...who care about religion and tradition and community. They may not know it now, but Emma and Ethan are already being affected by the Sundays that we spend participating in church. I am not extremely religious, but I do believe in a Higher Power and I try to be guided by my internal sense of what is right as it pertains to my personal path.

But taking my kids to church isn't only about teaching them about The Bible and God. I also take them because I believe in coming out of the house and meeting the neighbors, so to speak, establishing a sort of public relations, participating in community activities and just keeping an eye on "the greater good," you know?

My church, First Presbyterian Church, has lots of history in our town as well as in our family. It was the very first church founded in Muskogee, OK and has had 5 different locations, the current one since 1978. I have been a member my entire life, and my parents are also members. My mother's parents were members, and her brothers and sister and their families were all members at one point as well. I was baptized there as a baby, confirmed there in adolescence, and married there as an adult. The same goes for my sister. Our kids have all been baptized there as babies. When I think about church, I will probably always picture my church's stain glassed windows, the high ceilings, the scriptures and pictures that are carved into the walls.

Over the years, our congregation has dwindled considerably and lacks representation and support from people in my age group. Our building far exceeds our needs as a small congregation, and it exceeds our checkbooks as well. It seems as though the time has come for location number 6. That is a painful and dreadful inevitability. It's hard to imagine not physically having that loving and quiet space. I'm sure we will learn to love the next location as we make new memories there. But it hurts that Emma and Ethan may not even remember being here, where so much has happened in our family's life. I have been making sure to take pictures in front of the stained glass that I will forever see in my mind and on the tire swing that still swings out front. Their mommy will remember for them.

Their mommy will remember shushing them in the pew, giving them snacks and crayons to occupy their minds and mouths. She will never forget hearing their first attempts at singing church hymns, naming the colors they see in the glass, or how Ethan loudly repeats, "WE GOTTA BE QUIET" during prayer. Who could forget Emma's wailing cries for her Mimi once she's spotted in the choir loft?  Or seeing them walk down the aisle for Children's Time or to decorate the cross with beautiful Easter morning flowers....

 I know our church is more than a building, but the building has in a way taken on our personality as a group, as a family, and has attached itself to all of our significant memories...memories that we'll never forget.

Sneaky Fits

They're not even three yet, but my kids are minor manipulators and deception artists-in-practice for sure if you ask me.

Emma has what I call "silent tantrums" or "sneaky fits." I think most toddlers have full-on kicking and screaming fits. Well, Emma is a little too reserved for that, apparently. Or maybe she just doesn't want to get her hands dirty. If something doesn't go her way, she doesn't kick and scream like a normal toddler. No, she tenses her body and maybe even makes like she's hugging me, but she's really pinching me or pulling my hair. She holds her breath and subtly grunts and puffs her breath about whatever is troubling her. She wants me to feel her discomfort, to act out, but still come off as innocent to the untrained observer. Ha! It can be so frustrating for me in the moment, but it's impressive when I think about it after. She makes me look like the bad guy in public, threatening to spank her after hugging me. She's good.

She even throws her body in the floor on the sly. She says, "Woah!" like she's being pushed or maybe she's just "accidentally" falling. She'll keep saying, "Woah, woah, woah!" as she tosses her body around in frustration. It's maddening to me, but funny later. Woah, woah--she can't help it! LOL! How can I hold her accountable for something so clearly out of her control?

Emma, Mommy is scared if you are really as smart as you seem at not-quite-three. I better step up my game if I'm going to be able to sniff out your teenager schemes.

Sometimes her sneaky fits are seemingly unprovoked. It's a mystery to me as to what has upset her, but clearly, something has. Perhaps it is Jo-Jo, the imaginary friend, who is upsetting her, and then shaking her all around and pushing her down. And mean ol' Mommy is punishing her for his naughtiness.

So, now I'm thinking of excuses that she hasn't even used for her behavior.

See? Deception artist.

 ;)