Where do I begin? This story begins a whole year ago, almost exactly, and it has taken me all year to get the closure I required to tell it.
Now, Emma and Ethan are 5 years old and almost finished with kindergarten! It was the blink of an eye...yet it feels like a hundred years since they were at home with Mimi or Nannie and Papaw during our work-days, a hundred years since they were
They have learned so much, and I am so proud of the amazing things that both of them are doing. When they were in pre-school, I was in total disbelief when Emma's teacher told me that reading was the expectation in kindergarten. I thought, no way, folks. That is not a reasonable expectation. Was I reading in kindergarten? I think I might've been sounding out words, but I couldn't really read yet. I said I'd eat a shoe if my kids were reading in kindergarten. They learned a few sight words in pre-school, but is sight word memorization really reading? Ehhh...not yet, I thought. Now, here they are with the majority of kindergarten behind them, and they know over 50 sight words each. Emma knows closer to 75 sight words. She has a memory for details. She is a little fact-repeating, song artist-naming, movie-quoting genius. Ethan has more of a mind for reasoning and analyzing. He's more of a theory-posing, problem-solving, deep-feeling genius.
I've been told to break out the salt and pepper for the shoe that I need to eat. Sure enough, the sight word books started coming home, and Emma and Ethan could point to the words and know what they said. One at a time, they take the words in. The pictures are very leading, of course, to help them predict what the words say, and they also help them to process what the words just said. It's such an amazing thing to watch: my babies are learning to read! I don't remember learning sight words except for the ones that were impossible to sound out, but it's working. It's working like I never believed it would. I don't know if I can really eat a shoe, but I stand corrected. I should eat one bite-by-bite with a fork and knife because they have exceeded my high hopes for them in the books department so far.
While it has definitely been a mostly-positive experience, it has been an especially jarring, heart-wrenching transition for all of us.
I couldn't believe it when I realized they were eligible to enroll in the pre-school program, the one my sister and my friends who have kids loved so much. I was shocked! No! Not yet! They're still three! They're barely potty trained! They're still toddlers!
I guess I was a little excited for them to go to preschool...and I knew that my mother was probably eyeing the finish line for her full-time babysitting career. But, they were still only 3 years old! I definitely wanted them to go to pre-school like Rodney and I did and like all the other kids I've known. I wouldn't want to skip it....
Then, I learned that public pre-school was an offer that came with very specific conditions in our district. A child could go to preschool if his or her 4th birthday fell in the given window of time for that year. Emma and Ethan's birthday was two weeks in to the window of opportunity. Their birthday wouldn't be in that window next year. This is when it dawned on me that Rodney and I were being given a now-or-never choice, not a now-or-later choice. I couldn't help but be pained by the fact that if they hadn't been born two and a half months too soon, they would've been excluded this year and eligible for preschool the following year. If I had just held on for two more weeks, my babies would've been able to remain in their safe and loving cocoon for another year. They'd be on the older end of the age spectrum of their class, like I was.
So I enrolled them in to pre-k with the thought in my mind that Emma and Ethan could have a 2nd year in pre-k. I thought that would be the perfect solution and reckoning for their pre-term birth date. About half-way through, I started voicing my intentions, and I was met with firm opposition. I was told in no uncertain terms that a 2nd year of pre-k was not allowed under any circumstances. I thought...surely if I explain, the administration will understand, and my kids will be compensated for the discrepancy in their biological developmental stage and their untimely birth date. I'm in education; I know the people want what's best for the children. We all do. They'll listen to reason.
To my great disappointment, that was not exactly the case. There was no law requiring this allowance, no allowance for human discernment of the facts. Since there was no mandated use of judgment, it was withheld.
I couldn't let it rest; I was dumbfounded. I just knew there was some mistake. I must just not be communicating this clearly or in the right way. I was so emotional. So I decided to write a letter in which I would clearly explain the problem and plead for an executive decision. All I could think of was what would become of this decision and what it would take to get what I felt was owed to my children. It wasn't their fault that their mother was not able to carry them to full-term. They hadn't even the ability to suckle or even the ability to maintain their own bodies without the synthetic womb that the doctors provided for a whole month. They had invasive and traumatic tubes and iv needles and monitors. If there is someone to blame for that, it's me, not them. The superintendent for our district responded to my request: "I will not set a precedent for a non-mandated program." That's it, then. He wouldn't help us.
They were cut short in the womb, and now they were being cut short in the home. If I had only done this, or not done that....
During my pity party, it hit me like lightning. I was complaining; I was being perceived as a complainer. How could I be seen as an ally, a team-player? Then, I wrote another letter. I offered a solution that I thought was pretty simple, ridiculously simple, but also perfect: A proposal that would benefit the preemies of the future. I proposed that there be an allowable exception based on medical emergency and premature birth, a motion to allow delayed enrollment. I had to laugh at myself a little as I made out a mock form with the relevant information like the expected due date and the actual date of birth and how much time was required in the NICU. I even included research about the rate of repeated-grades for prematurely born children in elementary school. Then I made copies and sent them to every educational leader in my district.
I received timely responses from most that resolved the issue with tried and true slogans for all educational conflicts and disputes: "Thank you for your interest and commitment to your children's education. We must all work together to educate the children of our communities. We believe in our educators, and we believe in our students."
I hung my head. Maybe I've gone way off the deep-end with this whole thing. Am I a crazed extremist? With my faith in my sanity and my faith in humanity in shambles, I took a step back from this madness. I've done my part. I've blown the whistle.
They now know that preemies are being negatively affected, that more preemies survive with modern science--and then they are all nailed to the wall by their inaccurate birth dates when it comes time for their first introduction to school.
I, for one, will go to bed at night knowing that I did what I could. I transferred that burden to the appropriate powers.
I couldn't help but think of Nate, the baby across the NICU hall 5 years ago who was only 1 pound at birth. His arm was the size of my pinkie. He had multiple complications and surgeries. I remember seeing his parents in the elevator tearfully rejoicing the fact that he had finally developed enough to accept his mother's milk. He was born right around the same time my kids were born, but even more prematurely. That means Nate's parents are being faced with this same issue today as he enters school. Nate will have to go to school when his birthday says...even though it was 4 months too soon. If Nate can do it, my kids can do it too, I thought. If Nate has to do it, then why should my kids be the exception?
I was finally able to lay the matter to rest in the name of Nate.
A few months later as I attended the last meeting of the semester for a "Leadership Group" at work, I met a person who changed everything.
I listened as we interviewed our guest speaker, Representative George Faught. He was very down-to-earth and seemed to care about being an effective public servant. He spoke of personally digging a post hole and setting a mailbox for a woman who complained when her mail was no longer being delivered due to her blocked house-box. Did she ask him to come dig a hole in her yard and put up a mail box? No, she complained. He helped her by his own free will, no mandate needed. Then, he went on to strongly encourage us to reach out to our legislators if ever we had an issue or had something we cared about--even just a little bit cared about--that we should reach out and affect change. He said that it's incredibly rare to have a concerned citizen reach out about an issue, and sometimes, that's all it takes.
I was going for it. "If someone did have an issue, what would you say is the most effective way to reach you? What I mean is...what method would you say is most likely to get your attention as a serious matter to consider? Formal letter in the mail? Email? Phone call? Face-to-face?"
He said, "Any or all of the above would get my attention."
I couldn't help but hope this was fate.
"Ok, well, I do have an issue that I care about, so I guess I'll be writing, emailing, calling, and stopping by if that's okay."
After the meeting, he stayed back and asked me about my issue, and I talked for the first time out loud about it outside of my intimate friends and family. I had been fighting this battle as privately as possible, so as not to contaminate my purpose with my frustration. I didn't want to have a negative effect on the outcome by speaking too much too soon. I kept the matter between myself, close friends and family, and the powers that be.
He said, "Apathy. That's why no one has acted. I think I can help you with just a little bit of legislation."
I can't even remember what I said for the resounding choir of angels singing in my head. He gave me his email address and told me to send him all of my letters. I rushed right home and did it immediately. "Wow, you are really on the ball, LeeAnn. I'll get right on this, and I'll keep you posted."
I never heard back after that. That figures, I thought. I refused to think of it any further. I had exhausted all of my energy for the topic, entirely spent.
The conclusion of this saga came at a most unexpected place: at the parade our daughter was marching in.
We were lost from our supposed place in the line-up and were 4 blocks out of our way. If not for that frustrating and tiring mistake, I never would've gotten that tap on the shoulder.
"Don't I know you? You were concerned about pre-k and kindergarten enrollment?"
"Yes...Hi!"
"The bill passed! The bill just passed, didn't you hear??"
I didn't even know there was a bill. I thought it was forgotten or thrown out. I couldn't hold back the tears. I hugged him and thanked him and cried all the way to our spot in the parade line.
On April 5th, 2016, Governor Fallin signed HB2404 that amends the age restriction policy to include the allowance of exceptions:
An Act relating to schools; amending 70 O.S. 2011, Section 1-114, which relates to free attendance at public schools for children of certain age; requiring State Board of Education to promulgate certain rules; and providing an effective date....My faith in humanity and in my sanity has been restored because one man listened and cared. One man gave his time and energy and helped the future preemies and other children who are deemed exceptional in Oklahoma. It just makes me want to sing!
BE IT ENACTED BY THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA:
The State Board of Education shall promulgate rules that create exemptions relating to the maximum age at which a child may attend half-day or full-day early childhood programs.
"Can I get a Hallelujah? Can I get an Amen? Feels like the Holy Ghost runnin' through ya..." when the preemies get what's due to them!
Hallelujah and Amen!
