Like a Record, Babies!

When you tell people you have twins, their eyes bug out a little. I've heard a lot of people say they were so afraid that would happen to them, like it's some kind of  horrible disease. I think people have an exaggerated idea of how difficult it really is. It's not "double trouble" like people always so cleverly say. I bet it is a lot more difficult for people who have their children very close together. They have a toddler and a newborn. That just sounds much harder than what I deal with. At least my babies are always on the same page.  I had two kids and only one pregnancy! A boy and a girl, and all my dreams came true. They make me feel like "the chosen one." They remind me that miracles do happen and sometimes they happen to you.

People are always asking me, "Is it harder?" My answer is, "I don't know." I've never had just one baby, so I don't know what that's like. But I imagine it's not all that different. You just do things twice. You make more food. You learn to operate things without the use of your arms. You learn.

 My life has changed very dramatically since their arrival. For one thing, sleep is now just another item on my to-do list. It's just not the same. I feel like I have to hurry up and do some chores, or hurry up and enjoy myself while they're asleep, and then hurry up and go to bed because they will be waking up at the crack of dawn.  There will always be baby food that needs making, diapers that need changing, a house that needs cleaning and errands that I might never get to run. I sometimes feel like I do everything twice and then I have to do it again...and again. And the other thing that's just not the same, of course, is the get-up-and-go. That's a thing of the past. I am a little jealous of some of my friends who can just pack up and take their baby everywhere they go. It never slows them down. I can't really do that as easily. I'm getting better at it, but it's not that simple. I have to have a double stroller because I can't just carry them both everywhere. I can't stay for very long because they will want out of the stroller. That's fine, but then my outing becomes solely about staying on top of two babies. It's sort of like trying to hold on to two wet, slippery bars of soap. Sure, I can bring the babies to the party...but I won't be able to talk to you or anyone else.

There are moments when my life feels like a broken record that always skips my favorite part. I have to stop and remind myself that this is fun, that these babies won't be babies for very much longer, and that all the chores and errands can wait. They are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Refocus.

I thank God that I have so much help, that I am not a teen mother and that my husband and I spent six years of marriageless courtship and four years of childless marriage. We needed every single moment of that time to mature and prepare, to sleep soundly for however long we wanted, and to get up and go, go, go.

It's over-whelming; it's fun; it's hard; it's easy.
It's LOVE!

Monstermania

Emma Lynn is a hard core Sesame Street fan. She is working very hard on that tongue twister. Susie who sells seashells by the sea shore must be from Sesame Street. As soon as I mention it, she starts in with her S's and bee-lines to the TV so she is sure to get a front row seat. She nods her head and blinks her eyes hard as she spits out her buzzing attempt at her favorite words of the day. When she sees the first monster, Murray, come on the screen, she goes into a screeching fan frenzy like Beatlemania: "EEEEEEEE!!!" and her breath puffs in and out. It's Sesame Street-mania! Her body stiffens, her fists tighten and she stomps her feet as fast as she can in pure exhilaration. She is locked in from that moment on. There's no use in calling her name. Ethan is not as captivated by "The Street" as Emma. He usually wants to play with Momma during this time, now that he finally has me all to himself. We read a book or play with blocks, but every time a song comes on, you'll have to excuse him for a moment because he can't hear a word you are saying.

Emma sits Indian style for most of the show, and hangs on every word that's said by those little colorful Muppets. But when cartoon Cookie Monster comes on with his song for the letter sound of the day, it's back up on her feet for her uncontrollable huffing and puffing, stiffened, squeaking, stomping square dance in the middle of the living room floor. She is all the entertainment we need. She inspires her dad and me to sing along: "e,e,e,e,e,e,e,e,e,e-elephant! Elephant is a word that starts with E, e-e-e-e-!"

Go, Emma!! :)

I love that the show promotes language development. If you've never watched, there is always a word of the day, which is now referred to as "the word on the street." A small word, big word, any kind of word is featured and discussed in different ways in an episode. There is still a letter of the day and a number of the day, too. It's just good stuff. Never mind Elmo and Cookie Monster, who just can't seem to get their pronouns right, or the bear who, despite his mental sharpness, cannot seem to pronounce his R's. I cannot seem to justify the reason for the presence of these issues, other than promoting tolerance of differences, which does seem to be a strong overtone of the show.

I love that my babies love Sesame Street. I loved it when I was little, too. I really can't believe it's still on. What's even more amazing to me is that there are still some of the same people from the cast that I remember. Maria, Louis, Bob, Gordon and Susan all still live on Sesame Street. I think it is very cool how they have remained relevant by updating their slang and keeping up with the times. I can tell that they are conscious of political correctness and of all different cultures and types of people. I like watching it just as much as the babies do. There are always cute little puns and allusions to culture and expressions that are detectable only by the parents...some of which are even a little racy, surprisingly. There are some new residents on The Street, some new monsters, but a lot still remains the same and that appeals to my love of tradition.

I remember a time when I was a little girl that I stayed home sick from school. My dad called me several times to make sure that I was drinking plenty of 7up and that I was watching Sesame Street, as if Sesame Street were part of my recovery.

Watch on, Emma and Ethan, doctor's orders!

The Yin and the Yang

People say twins have a unique bond. They say that some twins can even feel each other's emotions and finish each other's sentences. I wonder if Emma and Ethan will have a bond like that. I'm looking forward to seeing their interactions as they get older and their relationship develops. One thing is for sure already. These babies go together like the yin and the yang.

They will not be put to bed without the other. Once, on their first over-night visit away from home, Mimi tried to sleep them in separate pack-n-plays. They wouldn't stop crying until she put them in the same one. She said when she figured it out, they looked at each other with exhaustion and relief, and then rested their heads and fell asleep.

I love my video monitor because I can actually be a fly on the wall. I watch them as they fall asleep to see that they end up in safe positions. They don't know I'm watching and listening to their sweet little sleepy interactions. These moments at bedtime and early morning are so precious to me. As they try to soothe themselves to sleep, they look to each other for comfort. I may see a head pop up suddenly, and then quietly settle after seeing that, yes, their twin is still peacefully sleeping beside them. All is well. They never have to feel alone. They snuggle up to each other in the crib for warmth and security. Sometimes they actually sleep in a yin yang shape or they take the exact duplicate position.

One baby always wakes up first, usually Ethan. He talks and sings to himself a little before he eventually stands up and calls for me. Sometimes he starts touching Emma's face or hand gently. Maybe he's trying to wake her up, but it seems more absent-minded, as if he were exploring his own face or hand out of boredom. I have seen Emma do the same thing to Ethan in those early morning hours.

If one baby is in the play pen and one is out, they find it very amusing to be separated by that mesh screen. They laugh at the sight of each other and touch their fingers together or lean in for kisses through the mesh. They giggle at the funny smashed face looking back at them.

If Ethan gets upset or has a screaming fit, Emma may start crying too. She hates seeing her brother upset.

If Ethan is apprehensive about trying a new food, he looks to Emma as his personal food tester. He leans a little forward, craning his neck: "You're actually eating this stuff?" He may be more likely to try the food after he has seen Emma eat it up and eagerly take the next bite. "Well...okay...."

Emma handles Ethan's disagreeable nature over the toys with cheer...somehow. I wonder how long this will last. Sometimes Ethan comes from across the room just to take whatever Emma has chosen from the toy box. He can be pretty aggressive, and he cries and whines until he gets it. She has learned to turn away at the last moment and avoid him as long as possible before it happens. And then it does. Her toy is gone and Ethan is satisfied. I would expect Emma to cry and try to get the toy back, but most of the time she doesn't. Most of the time, she even smiles, like she knows a secret...like she has tricked him into wanting a toy that she really didn't want in the first place.

They hardly ever cry from hurting each other. They bump heads now and then, or step on each other, roll on top of the other, smash or pin the other against a wall or the crib. Emma drags herself out from under Ethan and resumes whatever she was doing. I've seen her stand on Ethan's leg or his back in the crib after she wakes up, but he just rolls over and keeps snoozing. Once, Ethan rolled totally on top of Emma. I waited for a second, but she wasn't rolling or pulling herself free. I rushed in and moved him quickly. If Emma was sleeping too soundly to know she was being smashed, or if she just tolerated it, I don't know.

Sometimes Emma cries loudly before she falls asleep for several minutes. Ethan just lays there with his eyes closed, patiently waiting her out. They are quite accustomed to being inconvenienced by the other, to being pushed or poked, tripped or fallen on.

Seeing them give each other affection is my favorite part of having twins. It can bring tears to my eyes. Even though they are very different, even though they can't ever seem to get a moment to themselves.... they love each other. It's clear.

Sometimes, in a way, watching them is like watching myself and Rodney. We have that kind of gravitational pull towards one another, that yin and yang factor. But the way the babies handle conflict makes us look like fools.

They asked Jesus, "Do you hear what these children are saying?" "Yes," Jesus replied. "Haven't you ever read the Scriptures? For they say, 'You have taught children and infants to give you praise.'"
Matthew 21:16

Big Girls

Kacie and Karli were pretty excited when they heard they would have not one, but two new cousins, a boy and girl. They reminded me several times during my pregnancy. Before the twins were even born, Kacie was dreaming about babysitting them when she gets old enough.

When Emma and Ethan were born seven weeks early, Kacie and Karli weren't old enough to get inside the NICU. Children must be 14 years old to enter unless they are a sibling of a patient. One of the girls said,

"LeeAnn's not gonna let us see the babies until we're fourteen!!"

It made me laugh so hard, but it was also a little sad. It was an accurate perception of my hyper-protection mode and also of the alienation they were feeling. I had to be cautious with the girls and the babies, but the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt their feelings.

Having preemie twins is not a normal bring-home-baby experience where everyone comes over and takes turns holding them. Once they do come home, they have to be strictly protected from visitor contact or any exposure to the public directly or indirectly. Children who attend school or daycare, grocery stores, and church were at the top of the list of things to avoid, according to our doctor. If they must be in contact, the doctor advised that the visitors should change clothes and take a shower before visiting.

Kacie and Karli visited every time they had a chance, freshly showered and they did their very best to comply with crazy Aunt LeeAnn's house rules and ritualistic hand washing and sanitizing.

As the babies got bigger and stronger, Kacie and Karli were able to hold the babies more and help feed them, even change their diapers. I am so proud of how good they are with them. They are very big girls at 9 and 11, the sweetest cousins ever.

The twinks recently spent their first day at The Ashings by themselves.

It sounds like they pretty much made themselves at home. :) Amy said Uncle Michael and Ethan relaxed and read the newspaper on the couch for a while. They both loved hanging out in the house and playing with all of the toys in the bedrooms. The big girls even let the two little monkeys jump on Kacie's bed!

The weather was perfect! They played outside, bouncing balls in the cul-de-sac. Then, Kacie, Karli and Aunt Amy took them for a wagon ride. Amy said her girls felt very big and did an awesome job of entertaining and helping.

They say they can't wait for the next visit!

  K2
+E2 

Art Buff

Art and music seem to be Ethan's forte. If I change a picture on the wall, it will surely be noted by Ethan Dempsey. Nothing gets by that little boy. "Huh...," he says. He has several huhs. He uses different inflections that mean different things. This particular "Huh..." sounds like, "Oh! I see! This is very nice."

I updated the pictures of the twins on the mantel, way, way up high, out of their line of vision. He noticed immediately. "Huh..."  He stood there with his shoulders a bit raised, head tilted all the way back: "Huh...."  I lifted him up for a closer look. He loved it. He pointed and smiled his little discovery smile.

About a month later, I put a new painting in the hallway. It is a night scene with huge tree trunks lining a pathway. A tiny man and his Boston Terrier can barely be seen walking down the path. He seemed to be especially fond of this painting. It is very peaceful looking. He stood on his knees in the hall by himself for at least 15 minutes, huh-ing with his hands resting on the wall. When we visited his Papaw James and Gramma Janis, he huh-ed all around the house looking at all the pictures and art work. Gramma Janis carried him from room to room so he could get a good look at all of her decor.

He reaches out to touch. He smiles and huhs until he has seen enough.

At Papaw Jack and Nannie Bette's house, he did the same thing...only they have lots of antiques, traditional pieces and family heir looms. It seemed like he knew this was a unique collection. He really loved their pendulum clock that can actually be heard! I don't think he had ever heard a clock go tick-tock! "Huh!" And they also have a unique railroad clock from Papaw's many years working for Union Pacific. The clock lights up and sounds like, chug-a-chug-a-chug-a, woo-woo! There has never been greater joy than that of Ethan with his hands and eyes glued to that clock, dancing to the beat of the choo-choo! ...except maybe that of Papaw watching his great grandson marvel at his "toy." Two Dempseys in a pod.

"Huh!"

"Over the River and Through the Woods"

When Emma and Ethan spend the night with their Mimi and Pappy, they get to experience a cowbaby sort of life where the cows really do say, "MOO" and roam all day in the pastures that stretch as far as their baby eyes can see. There are no fences, not much pavement, and the neighbors are far enough away for privacy and good neighborly friendships. Hank (the cow dog) and the cats run free. The chickens say, "cluck-cluck" and scratch the ground in the coup. Emma and Ethan get to help with the chicken feed and collect the eggs. They toddle around freely in the yard and discover Mimi's herb garden, berry patches and flower beds.

Mimi and Pappy let the babies rule the house. I know they love roaming in a baby gate-free world with less no-no's and more yes-yeses. There are tons of baby toys and Emma and Ethan have their own room with a crib and a tv where Sesame Street is on-demand. Mimi says they usually wake up once in the night. She sleeps nearby so she can reassure them in their home away from home. They wake up long before Bob, the rooster, crows. (Now, may Bob rest in remorseful peace since he has paid the ultimate price for terrorizing the feathered ladies in the coup)

The twinks hang out in their pajamas, have breakfast and try to wake up Pappy.

On one visit, Mimi served them some of the fresh eggs they collected. She said they happily gobbled them up. A few minutes later, just as we got there to pick them up, we noticed that around Emma's eye was red and she was all squirmy. We kept watching her as the redness started to spread rapidly all over her face and neck. She started fussing and scratching her tongue with her teeth and her fingernails. We quickly called a doctor and gave her Benadryl. It gave us quite a scare! Luckily, the medicine worked and she started looking and feeling much better a few minutes later. No more eggs for that little girl. We hear that egg allergies are sometimes outgrown. We shall see...


The latest slumber party was over Mommy's 30th birthday weekend, and they also got to spend some quality time with their cool out-of-town aunt, Jody, Mimi's sister. It was almost like two Mimi's.

 Of course. 
 Doesn't everyone have a twin? :)

Big Church

Cici was out sick this week in the church nursery, so this Sunday was a little different. Mom and I took the babies into the sanctuary for big church. We thought if they started fussing, we would sit with them in the nursery ourselves. Everyone was very receptive when we came in. People smiled and oooed and ahhhhed. Some people said, "Look how big they are!"
"She won't be able to carry them both for very much longer," and
"How brave she is to bring them both to church."

Reverend Ann made an announcement that the babies were sitting in this week due to Cici's absence and that they may be "let loose" during the service. I wasn't too sure about that, but I loved that she was. I held them both in the pew until Mom came to sit with us. She held Emma and I held Ethan. We kept them occupied with Cheerios and prayer request cards.

When we all started singing the first hymn, they were both very intrigued. Ethan started clapping his hands and shakin' his head side to side. It made my eyes a little teary to see him enjoying himself so much. Every time we spoke or prayed in unison, they seemed both amazed and perplexed. They looked at Mommy, then Mimi, and all around: "Wow..." they seemed to be thinking. When Mimi had to go sing in the choir, she took Emma, too. Emma is such a good girl. She sat very nicely with the choir, of course. She kept her eyes on the music book. It looked like she thought it was singing story time.

The hymns and aloud prayers seemed to come at just the right moments for their little attention spans. They made it through the whole service without a single tear or tantrum. At the end of the service, Rev. Ann came and asked Ethan if he would join her. He obliged, thank goodness. He had the privilege of assisting with the benediction. What a special moment! His eyes were focused on her lips. Lately, he and Emma are both watching lips very carefully. They seem determined to learn how we do that thing called talking. The benediction began and it always goes something like:

"Remember that wherever you are and wherever you go, God is sending you there. Whatever you do, He has a purpose for His blessings through you. Now, go and do it. May the love of Jesus Christ and the presence of The Holy Spirit be with you now and forevermore. And let all God's people say:"

"Amen."

"Ashes, ashes...we all fall down."

I am so exhausted right now. It was really hectic in the kitchen tonight because I was cooking dinner while in the middle of feeding the babies their chicken and broccoli-cheese-and-rice casserole. I also had some veggies I was making the babies for later. Food juggling, I guess.

I have a sort of food fiasco going on. I'm still trying to figure out how to merge our foods and meal times. I end up trying to do multiple things at once. Instead of pureeing vegetables, I am now steaming and chopping. I make everything in bulk and still use the ice trays to freeze them in convenient little ice cube portions. I have also started feeding the babies a lot of what we are eating now that they have been exposed to a lot of different foods. I can't believe they are so big, eating big people food. :)

Anyway, I was attempting Rodney's favorite tonight, chicken spaghetti, in the middle of a food and feeding frenzy. I had boiled the chicken with some vegetables and mixed all of the other ingredients in a bowl, cooked the noodles, and then I poured everything in the casserole dish and popped it in the oven. It looked so yummy! "Wow," I thought. "I am good." Then I looked over and saw that I forgot to pull the chicken apart and add it into the mixture! I pulled it out of the oven and added it, stirred it around. So much for presentation, but at least I saw it in time to fix it.
Then, I picked up the dish and almost made it to the oven, but it slipped and I dropped it. It spilled all over the inside of the oven door and all over the floor. Ruined.
"Call Domino's."
I felt like screaming my head off. I felt like throwing everything I could see in the trash. I hate the heat that rises to my head when I get upset. It's not helpful. The babies were watching me suspiciously while eating their carrots. I just quickly threw the mess in the trash and went back to chopping the squash. The babies went back to yelling out and banging on their trays. While aggressively rocking my knife over the squash, I dumped a huge bowl of diced carrots in the floor. I wonder how much food a person can waste in a single evening... That was so much work and money down the drain, not to mention the floor that I just scrubbed on my hands and knees last night--disgusting again. I am so frustrated and sad. This feels like a tragedy right now. The Death of the Chicken Spaghetti. It is so sad that all of that food, the chicken, the mushrooms, the celery, the pimentos, the cream of chicken soup, the broth, the tomato sauce, the whole bag of shredded cheese AND the carrots...wasted.
I'm so sorry.

I worked so hard all afternoon in the kitchen and now the trash is full of my groceries and I'm eating Domino's. Yes, we are eating Domino's, but the kitchen is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, the inside of my oven is coated with a cheesy, greasy film, and I feel like I just ran a marathon.

                                                                                                        Nighty-night!

A Girl's Best Friend

I took Emma to her first jewelry party last night. Ethan stayed with Daddy and watched some football. Emma Lynny Lou made me so proud. She was a little social butterfly! She's always smiley and sweet, but sometimes being in a new environment can be overwhelming for her. Not this time. She ate fruit like a big girl, and then she got right in there and played with the other kids. There were several big boys there running around, jumping off of furniture, being boys, and Emma was right there laughing and playing with them. Those little boys were so sweet to her. I saw one boy put his arm around her and she smiled so big. Then she wanted to hug him again. She gave him a sweet little kiss on his leg. She was following those boys around, smiling and laughing all the way. She is still a new walker, so she fell down hard several times and I thought she would cry, but she just kept laughing, throwing her head back and laughing like she was having the time of her life! It made me so happy.

 At one point, all the kids were standing at the sliding glass door yelling and talking to the dogs. Emma was right in the middle in front with her nose pressed to the glass. All I could hear through the roaring kid sounds was her happy laugh in the background. There was a time when all that chaos would've sent me into anxiety fits, but I loved it. The jewelry party took a back seat to the kids' party, but I did see some very cute jewelry. The poor hostess was doing all she could to follow through with the night's purpose, but bless her heart, those babies were everywhere. She kind of looked neck deep in an ocean storm, being over-taken by waves but fiercely determined to proceed. She stopped to catch her breath a few times but still never lost her place.

 I put a few necklaces that were passed around the room around Emma's neck and she beamed just like a big girl with a pretty new necklace would. :) Emma, honey, you are definitely one of the girls and you can hang with the boys, too! It won't be long and we'll have to have a little talk about those kisses and older boys!

;)

Daddy Days

Mondays are very special this semester. Rodney gets to stay home from work and spend all day with his babies. We are very lucky that his job allows such flexibility. It has been so helpful when we get into scheduling conflicts or miscommunications. They have been very understanding and more than willing to help.

Rodney is the sweetest dad. Sometimes he takes them for a morning stroll in the stroller or pulls them in their new Radio Flyer wagon we got them for their birthday. They love that thing! Last night Ethan was digging for toys in it and his little legs lifted off the ground and he almost fell inside. So cute!

Rodney is a big music man, so he plays his music all through the house and those babies get their groove on. Ethan is a fan of "the baby crawl rock" and a little move we call "the Stevie Wonder." Emma is a little more of a free style girl. She gets excited and holds on to something while she bends and straightens her legs really fast. Her crawl dance is more of a fast cat stretch move and she really gets the head nod going. It is very cute.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall during these Daddy days. It's nice coming home to see the smile on his face. Sometimes when I come home, he is rocking one of them for a nap. I love the peaceful, contented expression he has with a little head on his shoulder. Other times, I come home and they are eating. He loves to watch his grandparents feed them. He looks like he is logging every moment in a special place in his memory.

Rodney's grandparents come over for a few hours every Monday and help him with a feeding or get them down for a nap. That makes three times a week for The Hodges. Bless their hearts. I hope they aren't wearing themselves out too much. I guess they just can't get enough of those twinkie dinks! :) I know there must be a special connection for them because Nannie was once pregnant with twins. Sadly, they did not get to meet their babies, but I know they have never forgotten them. I'm sure The Hodge Twins have a special place in their hearts. I bet they have wondered what it would've been like. I can't tell you how happy I am that Emma and Ethan are able to give them a little piece of what almost was.

Rodney says he is really enjoying the time with his family and his babies. He really misses his mother, though. He mentions it from time to time...how he knows she would have loved holding her twin grandbabies and how she would've been so eager to babysit. We really wish she could have met Emma and Ethan, but we can feel her spiritual presence every day. I know she is loving the fact that her parents play such a big role in their lives. I'm sure she is very proud of her son.

She should be.

.