The Good, The Bad, and The Happily Ever After

I was feeling brave and up for anything, so I took the twins shopping for Easter clothes.

My first obstacle was getting past the play area. I should've thought to park where we wouldn't have to pass it, but that would've been too easy. There's a big alligator slide and lots of kids having so much fun. Emma and Ethan couldn't figure out why I was going the wrong way. "Alligator! Alligator!"

Meltdown. Two Meltdowns.

I see why they are called meltdowns. Little kids melt into puddles of despair and defiance at every opportunity.

Ethan melted down flat on the floor, kicking and screaming. Emma saw this...and made a calculated decision to melt on down as well.  Mirror twins. I was just standing there...like a popsicle stick. I had to laugh.

Touche, children. 

The offering: "Get up, babies. Come on, stand up. Let's go look at some awesome clothes! Yay! It'll be fun! You want a new dress, Emma? Ethan, how 'bout an awesome new shirt?"

I don't even think they could hear me. I squatted down and lowered my tone: "Want Momma to spank your bottoms?"

Showdown. [Cue music]

Quieting somewhat...but not fully convinced.

"Do you hear me? Momma is gonna Spank. Your. Bottoms...unless you stand up right now and walk."

I honestly believe that a firm little swat on the butt is a reality check that is sometimes needed, a physical--break--from whatever horrible behavior. We are at a crucial place in our level of communication. When they find themselves so consumed with rage and defiance that they cannot see or hear what's best for them, it is my loving duty to intercede the dysfunctional mental loop and--SNAP!--them out of their handicapped hypnosis.

Thoughtful expressions: "No...."

"Okay, then let's move on. Come on. Let's go."

They stood up and we moved on with a little more whining as we made our way.  "Thank you so much." I changed the subject: "Look at the pretty trees!"

"That's very awesome," said Ethan.

"That IS very awesome," I said.

Then we stopped to look at the pretty Easter Bunny display, and I guess he wasn't home.  "Eggs!" said Emma. "Chickens! Whatchoo doin?" Then we had two more mini meltdowns when it was time to move on.

"This sure is an awesome shopping trip, kids." I couldn't help but laugh at us. I kept talking to them, hoping it would help them move on.

I found a pretty dress in Penny's but I couldn't find a coordinating suit or dress shirt for Ethan. So we moved on.

About the time we made it to the other end of the mall, I noticed that Emma had lost one of her sparkly, pink shoes. "Emma, oh no! Why didn't you tell Momma you lost your shoe? Maybe it's just...no where in sight. Awesome." So we walked back (very slowly, mind you) to Penny's. Emma was a little confused as to what we were searching for: "Justin Bieber! Wha a' you?" she kept calling out.  We looked and asked around, but no Justin Bieber, and no pink, sparkly shoe. So, once again, we moved on.

We're definitely not going back toward the--"You know what? We're just gonna go buy you some new ones, Em."

Famous Footwear, here we come.

I pocketed the sparkly slipper. Emma had her foot measured after Ethan showed her that it was safe. We bought the nearest pair of 7s that we could find. I told the cashier to ditch the box and bag, and we moved on with Emma wearing her new, white Mary Janes.

I felt strangely happy despite our difficulties--and we were back to our hand-in-hand-little-shuffle-two-step through the mall.

Finding two Easter outfits that go together was harder than usual, so we shuffled even further to the opposite end of the mall...to the last store, the dreaded Dillard's--where there are plenty of beautiful clothes, none of which happen to be on sale.

I kept my eyes peeled for the sparkly slipper. We sure are a slow-moving trio. I imagined flagging down an older kid and giving them a mission to look for the slipper. That one--I bet she could find Emma's little sparkly slipper in a flash. But we just kept shuffling forward.

We made it to the maze of Dillard's and I found a dress with bright colored flowers for Emma and a yellow shirt and khaki pants for Ethan. They'll look perfect together. While I was checking out, Ethan went for a crawl around and around the cashier's station. "I'm a turtle, Mom." Emma saw this, and she thought it looked like so much fun.

"I'm a turtle, Mom!"

"Hi, turtles! Nice to meet you!" And then we moved on with our mission accomplished.

We shuffled down to the play area and played on the alligator slide for a while before we headed home. It was already way past the twins' bedtime. They should sleep well tonight.

And as we were shuffling through the dark parking lot, we saw a little pink twinkle in the distance.