The Surprise Party Bandit

Rodney and I walked with the kids around the corner last night for my friend Katie's surprise birthday party. There were lots of other kids there. They were all so excited about the big surprise! They kept hiding and declaring false alarms, turning off the lights and saying, "She's coming!"

Emma and Ethan aren't usually out this time of night. The party started at about 7:00.

There was a new baby named Kate at the party, and I was so excited to hold her. I haven't held a little baby since my own were that small. Emma was very interested in Kate. I don't think my kids have ever been around a newborn baby before, and they definitely haven't seen me hold one. Emma started tugging at Kate's shirt, pulling at my arms. I think she thought baby Kate was a doll. She couldn't understand why I would not give her the baby doll. We let her look and even touch, but I still don't think she got that this was a real live baby.

When Katie finally did come home and we all yelled surprise, she didn't seem very surprised. Maybe she was. I'm not sure. But she just smiled and looked at everyone while all the kids surrounded her and blew their birthday horns right towards her face over and over. They had been waiting for so long to jump out from their hiding places and blow their horns. They gave it all they had, and then they gave it some more.

The horns must've triggered some sort of switch in Emma's brain. From that point on, she started acting very strangely. The food was being served. It was McDonald's for the kids and Buffalo Wild Wings for the adults. Emma and Ethan had eaten dinner before the party, but Emma was suddenly starving like mad, and I mean mad. She immediately climbed up to the table beside a little boy and started aggressively eating his chicken nuggets! I pulled her back and told her no, and she was still reaching for the kid's food. She bucked and screamed at the top of her lungs. So I fixed both of my kids a plate for their 2nd dinner. I can understand how watching other kids eat McDonald's could be pretty tough on a kid's psyche. So she and Ethan sat there eating their own nuggets and fries.

But then she got down and walked over to another table and took a nugget off of another child's plate. The victims of her burglary were very kind. They both just looked straight ahead and politely tried to ignore the offense.

"Emma, no! That's not yours. You have your own. Come back to your seat. I'm very sorry, Khloie, that Emma stole your nugget. She's only two." It was okay, she said. Why was Emma doing this? She wouldn't stay seated with her food. I turned my back for a second and another adult told me they saw her eat a fry out of the trash can. I covered my mouth. Well, there was nothing I could do about it now. I was getting embarrassed. At least it was discarded food and not another person's. These people probably think I don't feed her. She was acting like a starving child gone crazy, breaking free from her captors. She screamed every time I pulled her or carried her away from her devious mission.

The birthday cake with 31 lit candles was carried into the dining room and we all sang Happy Birthday. After the candles were blown out, the cake was taken back into the kitchen to be cut and served, but not before Emma could strike her fingers through the side of the cake in the blink of an eye. "Emma!" I gasped. I cannot believe this child! What has come over her? She followed the cake into the kitchen licking her fingers. Katie's son Brayd'n stood in the doorway eating his cheeseburger. I saw her eyeing the cheeseburger and getting ready to dive in for another uninvited bite. I felt paralyzed. Powerless. Everything was happening so fast, yet it felt like slow motion...like a bad dream where you can't move as fast as everyone else. She was on a rampage. Katie scooped her up before she could sink her teeth into the cheeseburger. She started cutting Emma a piece of cake. Thank God. I knew the cake would be enough to occupy her and satisfy her hungry eyes. I sat beside her at the table and tried to relax. I looked at my husband who was sitting across the table with Ethan. He just looked at me, and I could see that he was humiliated and he was probably annoyed with me for not assuming control, for not teaching her some manners. "She's only two," I said again. He rolled his eyes. I was just glad her rampage was over for the moment, but it wasn't. Just then she stuck her fork into the cake of the boy sitting beside her, Dakota.

This is not happening. This is just another one of my recent string of nightmares. I'm going to wake up any minute now and Emma will no longer be possessed by a maniacal, starving, thieving child. She will be the same sweet and friendly little girl from my waking life, and I will again have full control over my child and my life....

"Don't sit beside her," Dakota said with a smile. "She steals food."