Bees and Elephants

Bees and elephants may seem like a random pair for a nursery theme. Rodney and I couldn't agree on anything. But choosing that theme was a resolution to a challenge greater than one would anticipate over simple decorations. It was either too girly or too boyish. A lot of cute things were taken by other mothers I knew and other themes just seemed cliche. They just weren't right.

I finally saw a bumble bee nursery package on Amazon and I thought it was perfect. But Rodney thought it was too girly. He wanted a jungle theme and I thought that seemed too boyish. I didn't want Emma to get totally cheated out of anything remotely feminine because she is a twin. I also felt that way for Ethan. Shouldn't he be able to have trucks and dinosaurs and what-not?  I think the compromise was difficult for both Rodney and me. It seemed to be going deeper than just pink and blue. It seemed tied to our own emotions and our own childhoods. We just couldn't agree on anything. I kept pushing the bumble bee plan and he kept feeling like it was a runaway train to Sissy Land for his son. Finally he said, "How about we just do a jungle theme and you can add your bumble bees?"  No, that wasn't a compromise to me. I thought the bumble bees were so cute and I didn't feel like they would be noticed among the busy jungle and huge animal wall decals.

"How about a split theme, elephants and bumble bees?" I hoped that the elephants would be enough manning up for him. They would be a nice contrast to the tiny bees. It seemed to add more masculinity with the big strong elephants, but not so much "predator" connotation as to compromise femininity. Bees are also that way. They are sweet little buzzing flower pollinators but also feared by people and big elephants. I thought it worked.

So we finally settled it. I painted a picture of an elephant with bees flying around him and hung it first. We got the bumble bee bedding and the curtains. My aunt Jody painted the cutest picture ever, although I still love mine. It's a close-up of Horton the elephant from Horton Hears a Who, closely examining a flower with a bee on it instead of "the speck." I will forever treasure that painting. And the whole room looks really cute. However, I sort of never really completed the project. There are blank holes where I need more wall decor. I would have done a few things differently with the arrangement of some things, but it really is still cute and it rarely bothers me that it's seemingly incomplete or that there's a slight disconnect between a few of the different styles of elephants and bees.

I realize that these things do not occur to Emma or Ethan. They seem perfectly fine with anything that we are fine with. They haven't complained or looked around with displeased looks on their faces. I realize now that it was not Emma who would have felt cheated out of pink. It was me. I don't want to make unimportant things seem important to them. I'm still not able to apply a lot of what I see in these moments of clarity, but I feel grateful to have brief glimpses of what life is really about for The Garlands and I will try to be more open to them and to see our life in more ways than just mine.