The NICU was a sad and scary place at times. I could sense the seriousness of it from the way they locked the huge, metal, automatic double doors. Then they make visitors stop before entering the room and use the cleaning station. Wash your hands and arms. Use the gel. There are no children other than siblings allowed inside and only 4 people at once. It seemed like the place was intentionally disorienting. There was a constant stereo-effect of near and far beeping. The layout was a series of identical intersections, like a house of mirrors.
Everyone who was not in a uniform looked somber. I know there were other families that weren't so lucky as we were. Now and then, I'd see red and puffy eyes on the face of a woman in the hallway, or hear crying in the stall next to mine in the bathroom. "Code Blues" called out for other babies made my heart drop, quarantines and surgeries...I can't imagine. It was all I could do to keep my mind focused on my babies and not fall apart for all of the other babies.
When the alarms sounded on one of my babies' monitors, I jolted to full attention and adrenaline rushed into my chest. "Brady," a nurse would say and note it in the file.
Brady?
The longer I was there, the more I got used to the environment. Some of the beeps were from non-emergency alarms on the feeding machines that slowly drip the babies' food. Begin feeding: beep. Quarter of a tank: beep. Feeding over: beep, beep, beep, etc. In the middle of the night,--beep--I was trying to sleep--beep--on one of my single-hour sleep streaks--beep. I learned how to shut the thing up myself when it was "being stupid" as the nurses said.
I learned that "brady" was short for bradycardia, or slowed heart rate. I learned to read the monitors and what all the numbers meant. The nurses explained that bradys are pretty normal for preemies. They even said that everyone has brief dives in heart rate when they are extremely relaxed. It usually returns to normal in a matter of seconds. The longer the brady, the bigger the concern.
I received quite the education in 4 weeks' time. A computer cart was wheeled in sometime during that first week. We were required to watch and listen to all of the video learning modules before we could be released. That really helped me get my bearings in this foreign place.
Did you know preemies' skin is super sensitive to the touch, even painful, especially if rubbed or patted?
Or that hiccupping could mean the baby is overwhelmed or over-stimulated?
They need dark, quiet, womb-like conditions.
If you want to engage your preemie, you need to be very single minded about it. If you talk, talk softly and only talk; don't talk and touch. If you want to touch, only touch; don't touch and talk.
When you open the portholes on the isolates, do it softly and quietly. What seems like a quiet click can sound like a firecracker to a preemie.
If the baby seems distressed, it may be because he needs a boundary like the womb. You can pull the arms and legs in toward the chest and gently hold them until he feels secure again.
The outpour of information helped us communicate better with Emma and Ethan and feel more at ease in the NICU.
An infant CPR class is also required for the parents when release is near.
Rodney and I sat in a classroom with about 6 other people. We all had our own huge baby dummy. Those babies were triple the size of Emma and Ethan. Is this the size of a normal baby?? We watched an interactive video and learned that if they should stop breathing, pump the chest between the nipples with my index and middle finger to the rhythm of "Stayin' Alive," and give breath, or if they should choke, flip the baby over onto my forearm and thrust the heel of my hand between the shoulder blades.
It was an excellent facility. There were information pamphlets tacked to the walls in the cleaning stations, stories and updates with pictures of past patients in the hallways. Even with the abundance of information, there were still moments when the pressure would rise in my chest, fear and anxiety:
Can I do this?
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