I think having twins has made me a different mom than I would've been otherwise. I bet I would've done all of those things. I would've been shopping for girly clothes all the time, dressing her all up in those frilly little girl things. Wouldn't I have?
Having a boy and a girl at the same time changes things. I want to treat them the same. But I'm learning that it's not really possible. I have noticed a few double standards in my own actions and in my mind...like it's okay for Emma to wear Ethan's shirt or bib around the house, but not for Ethan to wear Emma's. I have never, nor will I ever, put Ethan in Emma's clothes. If all of Emma's clothes are dirty and she wears something of Ethan's, I do feel a little sad and if someone is coming over, I will find something else for her. It makes me stop and think about the gender roles, the inequality of the sexes, and the messages we send to our kids without even thinking. We do treat them a little differently even though we love them the same. I want to validate and respect their differences and I want them to be equal. I want to prepare them for society's expectations, but not succumb to society's pressure and stereotypes. How will I ever balance these concepts?
When she is able to verbalize her questions, will Emma ask, "Why do I have to wear this bow and Ethan doesn't?"
Will I answer, "Because you are a girl, honey...because you are a pretty girl."
Or will she ask, "Mom, why didn't you put a bow in my hair more? Why didn't you paint my nails or put me in frilly dresses?"
What will I say?
I think I will say, "Emma, I didn't because you are enough. You are more than enough. Your smile is the frilliest little girl thing you'll ever need. I love seeing you just the way you are. I love it when your hair is a mess. I love it when you have food all over your face and in your hair. I just want you to know that being you is all you ever have to be."
I predict she will never come to you and ask why at 18 months old you did not paint her nails. When she's 4 she may ask you to and she may ask you to put more bows in her hair or she may rip them out of her hair the moment you are not looking. Maybe it's because I have boys, but I think moms who worry about their baby's hair have way too much time on their hands. It's clean and brushed that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteMy soapbox is ear piercing. I am extremely against ear piercing for babies. Making the decision for someone else to put holes in their body makes me upset. Had to throw in that little unrelated pharagraph.
But it is related. I thought about that but didn't write it. When she asks me to get her ears pierced, then I will if she really wants it. When she wants a bow, I'll let her. I will put bows in her hair again before she asks.... I just think the whole "must wear bow" & "must get ears pierced" mentality is saying, "not good enough with out it."
ReplyDeleteAnd I think if we were always putting bows on Emma, getting her ears pierced, and so on,Ethan might think, "Why is Emma celebrated with this beauty "crown" on her head, and not me?" What is there for boys? A hat? lol I think I'll just let them be babies.
Exactly! Let them be little!
ReplyDelete